I like cooking, I like baking, I create tolerable edible things with those skills. But, it really isn't my passion. I don't wake up in the morning thinking, I really want to bake something today. All the non fun parts of cooking get on my nerves, washing the dishes, organizing my cupboards, packaging the finished products, and even decorating things. In the end if it tastes good I really don't care how it looks, and frosting/icing things is one of my greatest weaknesses, I can not use an icing bag to save my life. I have no desire to learn how to do things correctly, or open a bakery, I don't want to become a chef, I don't want to get a food handlers card. I wouldn't mind a fancy chef hat though.
The point is, this started as a neat idea and ultimately as a distraction from college which was driving me crazy. Then things started getting in the way and I easily cast it aside, then I tried to pick it up again after Nikolai was born thinking it would be a great way to pass the time as a stay at home mom, only to discover that being a mom was fun enough on its own.
I've tried time and again to stick with it for the sake of sticking with it but, this isn't going to lead to a predictable posting pattern or a great deal of my time. Sorry folks. It just isn't for me. Kelsey, however, one of the guest posters we had awhile back, she is making a business out of her baking. Lucky Cat Bakery, you should buy something from her. Her creations are delicious and beautiful.
As for me, I have found what I am passionate about, photography. I know the photos on here aren't much to look at, in fact all of them are pretty abysmal. (In my defense they were all taken before I had really learned anything about how to take good pictures.) When I was pregnant we took a birth class at Bella Vie where we met another couple, Leah and Bryan. Together they run Bryan Rupp Photography, Bryan is a very talented photographer and as we got to know them I came to see that artistic careers aren't a one way path to homelessville. It will be a really tough path, for sure, but I am looking forward to all of it. Cleaning lenses, checking exposure, post processing, learning to hike, hauling a baby and a ton of gear (be it the baby or camera variety) somewhere to take just a handful of pictures. Overcoming my fear of talking to people and overwhelming introversion, accounting, record-keeping, I am excited about all of it. I feel kind of silly, why couldn't I see it all along? Why did it take so many obviously wrong endeavors down different career paths to figure it out? It seems so obvious now. Art has been my favorite thing to do forever, drawing, coloring, taking pictures, beading, sewing, I love making things beautiful. The problem is, I become extremely attached to the things I make, if I take the time to crochet a blanket it is going to stay with me forever or go to someone I know and love, because it has hours of my time and a piece of me in it. I want it to be cherished and taken care of. If I draw a picture I feel the same way, and paintings which I am so so bad at, they nearly kill me to create, I wouldn't be able to give one away for any sum of money without being heartbroken. Photography, however, I can create images that I can share without bounds. No matter what happens I will always be able to look back and see them, I can share them with the world without any detriment to the original. I don't have to worry about people caring for them because a print is replaceable. It seems kind of odd, I know, but I've always been overly sentimental, I'm weird.
During my life I've taken thousands of terrible pictures, but I've always loved it. When I was a kid I would go on drives with my grandparents all over Oregon. It meant lots of hours in the van, always on the scenic route, staring at trees, and more trees, and more trees. Eventually we'd get where we were going, usually to look at grass and gray skies, and some sort of attraction or another. I was little, I didn't appreciate most of the places we visited at the time, but I loved documenting the trip. Disposable camera in hand I took pictures of everything I could. Sometimes I got to use Gawa's camera, and very rarely I got to use my grandfather's special camera. In middle school before 8th grade they gave me my first digital camera, it was meant for me to take pictures of my final year of junior high. That camera stayed with me up until last year when I replaced it... twice. In its lifetime it took more pictures than I can count, broody teenager self portraits, fun friend outing photos, awful artsy pictures of flowers, trips, the first time I met my dad, my baby shower, everything. It served me well. The problem was that I never noticed, all of this photography was taking place in my life and it was so common place that I never thought about it, it didn't cross my mind as a possible career choice, it didn't strike me as something that I could pursue, it just was what I did when I wasn't doing homework or whatever else was going on.
When I tried to start blogging again after Nikolai was born I wanted to figure out why I couldn't get excited to write about baked goods, I figured I was just unhappy with out unprofessional my site looked. My first thought about how I should improve it was better pictures. So, I told Tim, we needed a new camera. We budgeted and worked one in right around black Friday. (I know, boo consumerism boo!) It was a fancy looking Nikon point and shoot, I figured that would be everything I could need. It wasn't a dslr, like I wanted, but it was only a fraction of the price. So, we went ahead and ordered it. Then it arrived, and for the first week I thought it was the best thing in the entire world, I could take pictures of Nikolai that didn't have a ton of hideous noise, I could change between so many different settings, it was so exciting.
I started trying to take more and more pictures and really started looking into improving my results. Soon I was itching for a dslr again, I wanted to be able to control everything, focus, aperture, focal length, iso, I needed to be able to say that I was who took the picture not the camera. Tim and I talked about it, and I really started working on my photography, I read book after book about composition, exposure, lighting, posing, everything I could get my hands on. I researched cameras thoroughly, wanting to make sure that I got exactly what I wanted this time.
In May I was able to buy a used Pentax K-7 with a 18-55mm kit lens, I also ordered an old used manual focus 55mm f/2 prime off of Pentax forums. It took me awhile to get the hang of it, white balance was hard, getting the focus right was hard, figuring out how to actually set exposure on a real camera instead of reading about it in a book was hard, it all still is, but it is getting easier. And every time I get to pick up my camera and go out and shoot something (yes, that sounds kind of grusome) I am completely thrilled.
There is a lot of discouragement for beginning photographers out there, lots of name calling, Fauxtographers, mom with a camera, the list goes on, for the first time in my life I am not letting it get to me. I know I will be successful at this, even if it takes a few failures, It is as natural for me as being a mom, I've got plenty of things to learn but deep down I just know that this is perfect for me and nothing in the world could change that.
(Here is a picture from my first session with a client who I had no friend/family connection with)
I am not sure how this post got to be so long, it was just supposed to be the final, this baking blog thing isn't going to happen post, and then all the sudden I'm relaying my life to you. Sorry about that.
I may or may not post things in the future, but really, it's pretty much over, it has been fun, thanks for reading.